CHALICE — ELMER’S MOM — ELMER’S MACHINE — AN ANGEL ON EARTH
A few years ago I had gotten into a correspondence with a local Catholic priest when we met in a chatroom. This was a chatroom where people spoke with deviants, and we had gotten along so well that eventually we decided to meet. It was here, at a mall, where I discovered that he was a priest, and that he had long regretted his decision to devote himself to God and the godly life, but he couldn’t let it go because that was the only life he had ever known. For one, his parents were especially proud of him for being a priest. They lived in Masbate and were extremely religious. His mother always said that all she wanted in life, even as a child, was to have a son who would become a priest.
His name was Armand Agoncillo, but I called him Chalice, after his username. Even online he portrayed himself as the servant of God and follower of Jesus, even when he frequented these chatrooms that were about BDSM and porn. He spoke about the Bible frequently. But he never forced it on people. He was kind and accommodating about those things, whenever the topic came up. But mostly he was horny and enjoyed anal. Now that I think about it, no one ever told him that he was a hypocrite or that his morals seemed contrary to what he practiced. That kind of thing only seemed to happen with religious people. For sex maniacs, as a matter of course, we tended to be more tolerant and appreciate that God created within humanity an infinite variety that does not necessarily entail evil.
Chalice was a handsome man. He had brown skin, large eyes, and a prominent nose. It made him look distinguished and intelligent. It served him as a priest. Once in a while, I went to his parish and celebrated mass with him. In his robes, he seemed regal—a true Prince of the Church. He was thin but had a developed physique. He was bisexual. His cock was around six inches long.
Sometimes, we had dinner with my friends. I introduced Elmer to Chalice because I thought that they would understand each other, in that they were both masters of certain domains, although different ones. Chalice was a master of theology, of the sacred or divine, and Elmer was a master of science, of mathematics. Somehow, I thought that they would have interesting conversations. But both regarded the other with a kind of indignant scorn reserved for lower animals. They certainly did not want the other to get hurt or to suffer, or think that the other did anything wrong, but they were each beneath the other’s notice.
The first time that we all met, we had dinner, and then dessert, and then coffee. We were in Greenbelt all night and then went to a bar at the end, because Juno had heard that one of her favorite bands was going to play there. That entire time, although they had said a few words to each other, they did not engage in the deep discussions about metaphysics and cosmology that I thought they would and should be having. This gravely disappointed me.
The first real conversation they had was when Juno was telling us about how she almost hit a car on the freeway. Somehow, she was able to change lanes before a speeding car went past her. Had she not moved, she might have been clipped or even hit. That car would later collide with another car, causing a traffic jam. She mentioned that her “guardian angel” had told her to move. She said this in jest.
Chalice said, “According to the Bible and Church tradition, people do have guardian angels.”
“And is it true?” Elmer said. “Are our guardian angels right here, right now with us?”
“Yes,” Chalice said. “They are.”
“Do you think they’re sitting at the next table,” Elmer continued, “or standing awkwardly around us?”
Chalice scratched his head quickly, and then leaned on the table. “Well, angels don’t really exist in the physical realm. They wouldn’t need to occupy space to be present.”
Elmer nodded and sipped his beer. “They’re just kind of around.”
“Exactly.”
“I’m not going to bore you with all the usual objections,” Elmer said, as Chalice leaned back against his chair. “But I can’t help but wonder where these angels are during the most terrible moments of people’s lives. I mean, some absolutely heinous stuff happens all the time. You’d think that’s when the angels… you know… intervene.”
Juno said, “God has his reasons.”
Elmer rolled his eyes and took another sip.
I’ve known Elmer long enough to know that he was the type of person to nurse grudges. He catalogued things that bothered him and kept them in his brain for reference later, and once in a while, when he had nothing better to do, he went through those things, one by one, meticulously, his irritation turning into anger, and then into fury, and then into single-minded motivation to change the world somehow. His best inventions came about this way. They were expressions of his rage; they were the products of his spite.
Throughout the evening, Elmer seemed bothered and stewing. Meanwhile, nothing ever seemed to bother Chalice. He seemed to have been completely liberated by his faith. He’s told me as much many times. I said: Doesn’t Paul say that you would need to do good and renounce sin before you become worthy of the sacrifice of Christ? And he said yes. And we left it at that.
Elmer called me to his workshop one Saturday, telling me that it was testing time. He used to ask me nicely and send me numerous assurances that I’d be fine and that it would be safe. Nowadays, he knew that I was curious beyond my sense of self-preservation, and he didn’t even bother.
As usual, his mother opened the door that afternoon when I arrived. She was in her pink bathrobe and had her hair wrapped in a towel.
“August!” she said when she saw me. “Elmer told me you were coming today. Come in, come in.” I stepped inside, and she closed the door behind us. “I wish you’d come earlier. We had a great lunch. I made adobo, our family recipe. It has bagoong. You’ve never had that, ‘no?”
She led me into the dining room, where she usually had me wait for Elmer. For some reason, whenever I arrived, Elmer took a long time to come down from his room and bring me up. His mother took this opportunity to chat with me. She was always home, although they also had several housekeepers. I wondered if she didn’t have friends or if I always just happened to be invited when she had nowhere to be.
I sat down, and she sat down. She tapped me on the arm, as if she needed to catch my attention, and said with enthusiasm, “I heard you had a boyfriend na, ha. A European raw? Swedish? Or something?”
“Dutch po,” I said.
“Ay, Dutch…” She nodded. “I’ve been to the Netherlands with Elmer and his dad. It’s nice there. Do you think you’ll end up living there?”
“I don’t know, tita,” I said. “It’s too early to tell.”
“Ah.” She rubbed my hairy forearm with a maternal touch. “Well, no need to rush. When I was your age, I always thought that I needed to rush, but there’s so much time. And if you make a mistake, there’s time to change direction. Remember that.” She pointed at me to emphasize the point.
“Opo.”
For some reason, I’ve heard that exact advice many times before. That there is time to wander, get lost, and right my course, if needed. Maybe this is very common life advice. But in that case, why would people need to give it, knowing that everyone is told it? Maybe they see something in me that is prone to that thing. Maybe they see me as especially rigid. I do tend to give people that impression.
Right about this time, we heard someone going down the stairs. And Elmer peeked his head from the corner.
“Come on,” he said.
“You boys be careful,” his mom said. “And come down later when I text you. We’re having tinola.”
We went up to Elmer’s room. Through his ordinary room, which had a bed, a television, his computer, and a fish tank, we went through another door that opened up to his workshop. It had two floors; it opened up to the upper one. It was possible to go in from the first floor of the house through a door behind the kitchen. In this way, his entire house was actually half an ordinary house and half a laboratory.
His workshop had bare floors and bare ceilings. It was increasingly cluttered and dangerous. I’ve told him many times that it was best he had someone clean up the place, knowing that he would never do so himself. He begrudgingly agreed that this was for the best, although he never did. I watched where I stepped, in case I tripped on a wire or loose machinery. I was wary even of bumping into something in case it tipped over.
“You didn’t bring your clone?” he said, making his way somewhere through his different machines.
“No. He had somewhere to be. I think he’s learning German.”
“Ah…” Elmer said. “Gut… Das gut…”
Elmer stopped beside another machine that was about as tall and wide as a fridge. Many of his machines were like this. They were meant for a person to get inside. I realized, just then, that Elmer liked to experiment on people. Which is an ethical issue, foremost.
“Here it is.” Elmer knocked on the side of the machine. It was all thin sheet metal, and it sounded like it. The knocking sound was thunderous as the entire thing warped and shook.
“I’m not getting in that,” I said.
“You don’t have to.”
“Good. What is it for then?”
“Well, this is more of an experiment.” Elmer pressed his glasses to his face and turned to his machine. “I’ve never done anything like this before, but I was inspired… And I decided that since no one could possibly get hurt, then maybe I could take a few chances.”
“And what if it explodes?” I said. “Could still hurt us, even if we’re not inside it.”
“It won’t explode.”
“How do you know that?”
“I made sure it won’t.”
“Did you have other people check it out?”
“It won’t explode,” he said again, louder. “And if it catches on fire, I have fire extinguishers right there.”
He pointed somewhere in the corner, and I looked where he was pointing, but there was only clutter there up until the wall.
I pointed back with my thumb. “Where’s your extinguisher?”
“I just need you to stand here.” Elmer motioned to the space in front of the machine. “Stand there and focus.”
“Literally just stand here?” I said, getting myself in position.
“And put this on.” He put a headcap on me. I tried to resist, so I could ask what was going on, but he briskly pulled it down until I was wearing it. Several wires were running from it back into the machine.
“What the fuck? I thought this thing didn’t need me.”
“Okay. Maybe it needs you a little.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
He went over to the controls beside the machine: a laptop on a small but tall table so that he could use it while standing. “Please, August. You failed Algebra 1. You could never begin to understand what this involves.”
“Well, there’s no need to be so patronizing…”
“Now, be still.”
“I’m serious. You may be a math and engineering genius, but you don’t know anything about philosophy. You should keep that in mind.”
“Shut up and be still.”
I saw him type something on the laptop, and immediately I tried to be as still as possible. I didn’t want anything to go awry, now that the machine had been activated. A gentle humming began behind me. I wanted to turn and look, but I was told not to move. I saw that light was emerging from the sides of the machine, from the thin gaps between the panels of metal, casting my own shadow in front of me.
Sporadically, Elmer pounded away at the laptop, as if calibrating. It made me nervous. Was something wrong? Was he afraid that he had miscalculated and hoping that his adjustments would save me from dying?
The light became brighter and brighter. The humming turned into a loud rumbling.
“Don’t move!” Elmer was shouting above the noise now. Still, I could barely hear him.
“What’s going on?!”
Then, a loud bang, like a boulder crashing into metal. I jumped and instinctively crouched and protected my head. It happened again, and again, and again. In my crouched position, I turned towards Elmer, and I saw him walking backwards, staring at something above or behind me.
As he did, I heard an explosion, and the loud sounds stopped. I turned slowly to see what he was so frightened of, but before I could, I fell down on the floor. My head hit the floor. It was painful. I tried to get up but realized I couldn’t. It took me a moment to realize that a bare foot was on my other cheek, keeping me on the ground. I held on to it, to push it off, but the person was completely immovable.
I heard a voice, somehow both feminine and masculine, calm but deep and solemn. “Why must you human beings be so fucking stupid?”
“Get off me!” I shouted.
“Augustus Tabernak,” it said, with spite and disgust in his voice. “As I live and breathe, under my foot at last. You despicable creature.”
“Who are you?” I grabbed at its foot, trying to get him off. Still, it was futile, and the more I struggled, the more futile it became, because I grew tired and weak.
“Hm…” It lightened its hold on me and stepped away.
Finally, I stood up and beheld who had stamped on my face. It was a naked creature, more than six feet tall, with blonde hair, light gray eyes, and a body that was classical in its perfection. He stood in contrapposto, an almost theatrical stance, with his robust chin up, his heavy brow accentuating his scorn. I was immediately in love.
I was beholding him when there was another crash. I jumped and turned my head, and Elmer had accidentally knocked over the table his laptop was on. But still he kept walking forward, eyes fixed on this creature.
“Your guardian angel,” he said.
“You’re my guardian angel?” I asked it.
“My name is Raziel,” he said. “I am a Messenger of God, sent unhappily to guard this miserable creature.” He was staring at me.
I realized only then, somehow, that he was standing there naked and so his cock and balls were out. They were big, although not inhumanly so. He was naturally hairy, with some hair covering his chest and his forearms and legs, though not hirsute, and had pubic hair. His face, however, was clean-shaven.
“Stop looking at my penis,” the angel said. “You disgusting pervert.”
“Sorry!” I said, looking instead at his face. “I mean, it’s just there. You’re just standing there. Naked.”
“This is not my natural form,” he said. “You have abrogated the cosmic order and embodied me against my will. Release me at once.”
We looked at Elmer, who looked at the angel, and then me, and then the angel again.
“I…” he began, shrugging. “I don’t know how to do that. I didn’t think this would actually happen.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What did you think would happen?”
Elmer turned back to Raziel. “I didn’t think angels existed.”
Raziel said simply, “Wrong.”
“Well,” I said, “as far as I know, angels are supposed to have immense power, right? Being spiritual creatures. So, why don’t you just go poof again?”
Raziel was still standing the same way, unmoving and a little uncomfortable. I supposed he was not used to being an embodied being. “If I could do that, I would have done it already. But your infernal machine has captured me and prevented me from doing so. I hope you know, Elmer Gatdula, that you will burn in hell for this. This is wholly unnatural. This is against the Natural Order.”
“I think I just proved the existence of God…” Elmer turned to me. “Do you know what this means? I could win the Nobel Prize.”
The angel glared at him. “You shall not reveal my presence to anybody. You shall not disclose my true nature if anybody should see me.”
“This is too important to keep to ourselves,” Elmer said. When he saw that the angel was unconvinced, he continued, “Can’t you see the hope that this would inspire in people? The faith that they would gain? People would turn back to God. Would start reading the Bible. It would be like Biblical times again. Everyone would be convinced that religion is the right way.”
“That is not the way.” Raziel stretched his arm in Elmer’s direction. “Should the Lord desire me to go against our ways, then He would tell me. But you have acted against His will by doing this.” He started to take a few steps towards Elmer.
Elmer moved backwards to keep his distance. “Okay, okay,” he said, raising his hands in front of him. “Well, what should we do then?”
Raziel stopped in place. “I don’t know. I must pray.”
He made the sign of the cross and folded his hands together. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and his lips moved as he prayed.
Elmer and I just stood there.
After a while, he opened his eyes and raised his head. “This wretched form… I cannot hear the voice of the Lord.” He looked at Elmer. “You mortal filth. You’ve turned me human.”
At some point, Elmer’s mother called us down for dinner. She didn’t call him on the phone or anything. We heard her screaming, and somehow, despite how large the house was, we could hear her.
Elmer was on his bed. I was on the computer chair. Raziel was standing in the middle of the room, wearing Elmer’s clothes. Elmer was much smaller than him, and so they were ill-fitting. His shirt was close to bursting, and his midriff was showing. His shorts were so tight they showed his balls.
We were still in shock, all three of us, and it took a while for Mrs. Gatdula’s voice to register.
“Your mother calls,” Raziel said. “Attend to her.”
Elmer caught my eye. I shrugged.
We all went down the stairs and turned the corner to the dining room. Mr. Gatdula was seated at the head of the table. He was a sturdy rectangle of a man who I might have been afraid of, had I not known that he was harmless. He was in a long-sleeved dress shirt, folded up to his elbows.
Mrs. Gatdula was putting down serving platters being handed to her by two house helpers.
“Boys,” she said, upon seeing them. “Come sit. Let’s have…”
She was holding a platter inches from the table, staring at Raziel as he turned the corner behind us. Her pupils subtly went from Elmer to me.
“Who’s your friend?” She finally placed the platter on the table. “I didn’t see him come up.”
“This is…” Elmer stuttered. “This is Raz.”
Raziel took a breath. Was he nervous?
“Good evening,” he said, with a slight bow. “A pleasure to meet you, and thank you for having me in your home. I apologize for being here without being invited. I did not expect to be here tonight.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” Mrs. Gatdula said, putting more platters down and then going around the table to sit on one side, on the right hand of her husband. “Elmer’s friends are always welcome here. And it’s not the first time this has happened. Random people always end up coming out of his lab. I just hope all of them are good influences? Hmm?” She said this last part with a pointed tone.
Elmer took his place beside his mom. “People don’t influence me anymore, Mom. I influence them.”
“Sure…” She kissed her son on the head, making him wince a bit.
I sat opposite Elmer at the table, leaving one chair to Mr. Gatdula’s right-hand side.
Raziel sat beside me, further down the table.
“Hijo,” Mr. Gatdula said, addressing the angel. “Where are you from? You look foreign.”
“I was about to say,” Mrs. Gatdula said. “Those eyes are so blue. You couldn’t possibly be from here. Unless only one of your parents is from somewhere else?”
“I’m from…” He hesitated a bit. I suppose he did not want to lie. “Somewhere north.”
“North?” Mr. Gatdula said. “Scandinavia?”
“Ah… I know,” Mrs. Gatdula said. “Sweden?”
Raziel deflated a bit. He knew what he had to do. “Yes. Yes, madam. I’m Swedish.”
“I knew it.” Mrs. Gatdula reached for the rice and started putting some on her plate. “Okay, let’s eat.”
“Excuse me,” Raziel said. “Before we start, may I suggest we pray? It might be good to thank the Lord for his bounty, especially given how blessed this family is.”
Elmer massaged the bridge of his nose with his right hand.
“I like this boy,” Mrs. Gatdula said, with a wide smile. “See, these are the people you boys should be hanging around. Go ahead… Sorry I didn’t catch your name.”
Raziel looked at each of us.
“Raz,” I said.
“Raz…” Mrs. Gatdula smiled. “I like that. Raz, why don’t you lead us in prayer, please?”
“It would be an honor,” Raziel said. He made the sign of the cross with his pointer and middle fingers together, the way children do when they are trying to show off. Then he folded his hands together earnestly and pressed them against his chest. His sincerity embarrassed me.
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. Mrs. Gatdula did the same. Mr. Gatdula did the sign of the cross, but he placed his hands on his lap and huffed. He wanted to eat.
“Dear God, our Father,” began Raz. “Thank you for this bounty, Your blessing to us, so that we may be nourished. Truly, as it says in Scripture: ‘The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.’ We glorify You, O Lord. We thank you for Your tremendous generosity, though none of us are worthy. Accept, O Lord, our lowly gratitude.”
“Amen,” I said, in an attempt to nudge along the proceedings.
“Amen,” Elmer echoed.
Raz opened his eyes and relented. “Amen.”
Mr. Gatdula got some rice, and then passed the platter to Elmer, and then to me. And then I passed it to Raz. He held on to it with one hand, and took hold of the serving spoon with the other, but he seemed to be stuck in thought for a second, before deciding to put a cup’s worth of rice onto his plate and then setting the rice down on the table again.
“Get some of the adobo, August.” Mrs. Gatdula took the platter and placed it in front of me. “You’ll never taste adobo like this. This is our family recipe.”
“Thank you po.” I took some.
“How long have you been in Manila?” Mr. Gatdula asked Raz.
The angel still only had rice on his plate. He was sitting unusually straight, like he had never sat down before. I realized that he probably hadn’t.
“Very recently, sir,” he said. “Very, very recently.”
“Oh? And why did your family decide to move? Or are you only here as a student? Maybe a tourist?”
“Ah…” He was passed the adobo and took some. “Thank you. Well, I came here actually for a mission.”
“A mission?” Mr. Gatdula said. “What kind of mission?”
“A religious one, sir,” Raz said.
“Is something wrong?” Mrs. Gatdula said. “You’ve never tried Filipino food before? It’s good. I promise. Go on.”
Raz smiled and emitted an awkward laugh. Everyone was looking at him. He held the spoon and fork, and he did so very awkwardly. He was grasping them the way one would hold a dagger, if the blade were pointing upward. He struggled a bit to push the rice onto the spoon. Only then did he realize he had not yet taken a piece of the chicken, so he dropped that spoonful of rice and then stabbed the chicken with the fork before using the spoon to tear off a piece of it. Then, again, he pushed the rice and now a piece of the chicken onto the spoon.
He took it to his mouth and chewed. Or imitated the way people chewed, but poorly and a little exaggerated. I saw panic in his eyes for a second as he swallowed, like he was running out of breath, but then he looked alright again.
“How is it?” Mrs. Gatdula said.
“Incredible,” Raz said. “I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
After the meal, we all went back to Elmer’s room. He had couches and chairs in his very large room, and we sat down there.
“I’m a bit tired,” Elmer said. “How about I meet you two some other time? I had fun. Thanks for coming.”
“Okay,” I said. “And what about this thing?” I motioned towards Raz.
“Well, he can’t stay here,” Elmer said. “Besides, he’s your guardian angel.”
“That is true.” Raz was standing beside the couch, although he seemed more relaxed now. “I cannot leave your side, August. Regardless of how I feel about it…”
“When you were an angel, maybe,” I said. “But now you’re free. Be free.”
Raz’s expression turned grave. “Only God can tell me what to do and what not to do.”
“God gave us free will,” Elmer said. “And since you’re one of us, then surely…”
“Let’s get one thing clear, mortal.” Raz furrowed his brow at Elmer. “What you have done here is an abomination. In His wisdom, He has allowed this, but He is just.”
Elmer was just looking at him. Elmer didn’t even look like he had anything to respond with. But they were staring at each other.
I said, “Do you still have that carrot cake?”
“Yeah.” Elmer pointed at the small fridge he had in the corner next to a water dispenser. “Help yourself.”
I moved towards it. Elmer had gone to an expensive restaurant a few weeks ago and bought an entire carrot cake. It was the tastiest I’ve ever had.
“Come try this, Raz,” I said, opening the fridge. It was small enough that it was perched on a counter. There were several tupperwares worth of cake. He bought a lot because it tasted that good, and he wanted it to last him a month or two.
“This is no time for treats,” Raz said, turning to me. “My kind has no need for nutrition.”
“Now you do,” I said. “You have milk, Elmer?”
“No milk,” he said.
“Fuck…”
“Language,” Raz said.
I rolled my eyes at him and continued eating the cake. While chewing, I pointed a fork at the angel and said, “So, can we make this thing poof back into an ethereal being or…?”
We went back into the lab. Elmer said that he thinks he should be able to reverse the process. Raz was not very happy with the fact that he said he “thinks” he should be able to. But when we got to the machine, the laptop was on the ground and the screen was shattered. Elmer sat on the ground beside the power outlet trying to turn it back on again, but it wouldn’t.
“This is a problem,” he said.
“Won’t any computer work?” I said.
“No.” Elmer kept tapping the power button. “This is custom engineered for that machine. I’m going to have to make another.”
I sighed and turned to Raz, who was staring down at Elmer with his hands on his waist. “You just had to make an entrance,” I said.
Elmer said that he was tired a little after midnight. This was him telling us that we had to go. I didn’t mind going—I was tired, too—but I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with Raz.
“Maybe we can get you a hotel?” Elmer offered.
“No,” Raz said. “I must remain with August. Despite everything. Despite absolutely everything, I am still his guardian angel.”
I blinked at him. “I don’t think my parents would let you sleep at the house. We already have a permanent guest in my clone.”
“If you explain to them what happened,” Raz said, “they would understand.”
“No. No they won’t. They could barely understand the real world. They would definitely not understand whatever this is.”
“They would,” Raz said, insistent. Then, he turned to Elmer. “And you… Make sure that you fix that infernal machine of yours. Make this right. I will not be held in this body. To you, this might only be some wayward experiment. But who knows what you’ve disturbed in the cosmic order with this damnable act.”
Elmer looked up from his phone. “Yeah, yeah. Fix it. I will.”
We went down, and Mrs. Gatdula was there watching television. We said goodbye. She opened the door for us, but she let Raz go out first and then she kept me back to have a private word with me.
“Is that him?” she said, keeping her voice down. “The guy you were talking to me about? He’s cute ha.”
“No, tita,” I said. “That guy I’m with now is Dutch, not Swedish.”
“Oh, okay. I thought it was just a mix-up. I mean, those European countries, I know how difficult they can be to tell apart sometimes.” She leaned in closer with a hand in front of her mouth, as if making doubly sure Raz couldn’t hear us. “I was going to ask if he was a supermodel.”
I laughed. “No, tita. He’s just some guy.”
“I see. Well, if you’re going to be spending time with a man like Raz, you should tell your boyfriend.” She wagged a finger at me. “You don’t want insecurity to ruin a budding relationship.”
“Yes, tita.”
We made beso, and I went outside with Raz. We both went into the ride share. Mrs. Gatdula waved at us one last time from the door. Then the car made for home.
It was late, so my parents were already asleep. We went right up to my room. Raz went up ahead of me on the way, and I realized that Raz was not seeing my house for the first time. He had seen this house as many times as I had. He had lived here for as long as I had.
He went inside my room, leaving the door open so I could come in after him. He stood in the middle of my room and watched me.
I sat on my bed and removed my socks. “You can sit, you know.” I had a sofa at the foot of my bed.
“I don’t need to sit,” Raz said. “I can watch you better from here.”
“Oh, right, right.” I lay down on my bed. “That’s your thing.”
His brow furrowed, his blue eyes flashing at me. “It is not a ‘thing.’ It is my sacred mandate from God. In His goodness, He has ordained that every human being should have an angel specially sent to guard and guide them. It is a tremendous honor.”
“Uhuh…” I hugged a pillow and stared at him. “For you or me?”
He thought about this for a moment. “Both.”
“Everyone has a guardian angel, right?”
“Correct.”
“Why didn’t you try to talk to Elmer’s? Or the Gatdulas’?”
“I cannot see them,” he said. “I could not hear them, like I could ordinarily do. This material world is a barren wasteland. I knew I had been totally separated from them. I’ve never felt this kind of isolation. I can’t believe you creatures live like this. No wonder God has sent us to protect you.”
“Right…” I yawned. “You’re going to stand there as I sleep or what?”
“That is what I’ve always done, and that is what I will do.”
“You’re human now. You need to rest.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe I am in human form, but I am not susceptible to human frailty.”
I was curled up on the bed, my head on the pillow I was hugging.
“Maybe…” I said.
He was looking at me.
“Go ahead.” He looked around. “Sleep.”
“You’re really not moving from there.”
“I’ve watched over you every step of your life, Augustus,” he said, more quietly. “I was there when you were born. I was there when you first fell and scraped your knee. I was there when you cried out of loneliness in your youth. I was there when you begged God to be loved. I watch over you; that is what I do. And that is what I have sworn to do, and what I will do. So rest. And I will do what I have always done.”
I was silent for a bit, although I did not close my eyes or try to sleep yet. After a while, he turned back toward the door, occasionally moving his head around, as if looking for something. There was nothing there. Everything he could see, I could see, too, now that he was human. But I supposed it was a force of habit.
I said, “When I used the toilet or sucked someone’s dick, were you there, too?”
He rolled his eyes, though he was still staring at the door. He didn’t look at me. “Yes.”
I snickered.
“Good night,” I said.
“Good night,” he said. “And even if only in your heart… Please—say a prayer. Especially for me.”