I ate some bad chicken, and I was wondering if I was going to die of botulism. My clone went into my room to find the Neosporin because Sugar had scratched him while he hugged him and the cat tried to get away. While he was doing that, I told him that I had eaten our sister’s old canned chicken, and I discovered that the way she had canned it may have exposed me to botulism.

“That’s very rare.” He was looking through the little drawer where I kept my medicine. “But you can’t uneat it, so you’re just going to have to wait if you get any of the symptoms. Where the fuck is it?”

“It’s literally right there.” I wasn’t moving from the bed, but I was pointing aggressively.

“Is it this?” He showed me a tube.

“Yes. That’s it.”

“This isn’t Neosporin.”

“Well, it’s antibacterial. They’re all the same.”

“No. They’re not.”

“Yes. They are.”

“Whatever.” He opened the tube and put some of the salve on his wound. It was a thin line that ran down the inside of his left forearm. “Mama’s asking why you’re stuck here in this room, and she hasn’t seen David in like a week.”

“Y’all should butt out of my business.”

“You broke up, didn’t you?” He helped himself to my glass of water I left at my computer desk.

“No. He’s having some kind of mental issue and doesn’t want to deal with people for a while.”

“Including you, who he supposedly loves?”

“Can you get out of my room, please?”

He poured more water from the pitcher I had and then drank it and then left. I took my phone that was charging beside me and checked my messages. None.

Dr. Tal asked me to come to the cafeteria of Makati Med for our session. He was meeting me during his lunch break. I met there, and he was in line. I was also hungry, so I got a tray, and got in line with them. Dr. Tal was a tall, thin man with a face that made him look much younger than he was. He had a pencil mustache and a mischievous smile that he wore even when we were speaking of my most crippling mental illnesses.

“They’re serving binagoongan,” he said. “You should try it. It’s better than anything I’ve tried.”

He considered himself a foodie, and we spoke a lot about the places where we’ve eaten. We spent a lot of time talking about those kinds of things, including the places we’ve gone on vacation and other luxuries. He was obviously very rich, given his professional fee, and I could tell that he loved to spend.

“Okay, doctor.”

“So, tell me…” He looked back at me after craning his neck to see how many people were in front of him. “How have you been feeling?”

“Not to good, doctor. My boyfriend has been very distant lately. And I’ve been so lonely.”

“Don’t you have your friends? Your family? I thought you were spending more time with them.”

“I have been, but I don’t know… It’s different with David.”

The line moved forward.

“When we’re attached in that way to people, it can be unhealthy,” he said, leaning his head in my direction while still facing ahead of him. “It’s dependency. We need to work on your independence, August.”

“Yes, doctor,” I said.

We reached the food. The lunch lady nearest us smiled at Dr. Tal and said good afternoon.

Dr. Tal told her, “What’s good today? I’m getting the binagoongan.”

“Try the munggo, doctor,” she said.

“Oh, I hate munggo.”

“Oh…” And she turned towards the food as if she was considering the question but then she just said nothing.

Dr. Tal placed the tray on top of the cafeteria thing and pointed at the binagoongan. He also pointed at the torta and the fried rice. I also got the torta and the fried rice, and I decided to try the pork chops.

We found a table beside the window. The cafeteria was crowded as it was about lunch time.

“I should really be eating healthier.” He removed the napkin wrapped around his spoon and fork. “We should all be eating healthier. Promise me you’ll eat a vegetable or something tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes, doctor.”

“Now. That David person. What are your expectations regarding this relationship?”

“I don’t know, doctor.”

“Just going with the flow?”

“Yes.”

He nodded while chewing his food. When he swallowed, he continued: “Maybe it’s time we think about the future. Sometimes, knowing what we want allows us to make easier choices, because it tells us which direction we want to go, right? When we go with the flow all the time, the tides may bring us places we do not want to be. You know?”

“Yes, doctor.”

Dr. Tal wiped his lips with a napkin. “Then again, I know how everyone doesn’t want to think too far into the future nowadays. With the black hole. But they have it under control. I don’t think there’s anything to be worried about anymore.”

I thought about it and realized that I was never worried.

“So,” the doctor said. “If you had to plan some kind of future, what would that plan be?”

I was chewing, and I thought about it. The pork chop was dry. Which was what I expected. I thought that if I wanted anything out of my relationships, I would like someone steady. Someone who would be a constant in my life. Who loved me.

Dr. Tal was looking at me, waiting.

I said, “I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend.”

For a split second, I registered what might have been disapproval on my therapist’s face. But quickly his smile returned. “What else?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Everything else is fine for me.”

“But you can do so much, August. I’ve known you for a while now, and from your mind and your accomplishments—I know you can do more. So much more. Don’t you want to maybe get a master’s degree? Move to another country maybe? You’ve spoken about moving to Europe.”

“Maybe.”

“Which country in Europe? Have you thought about it?”

“Somewhere in Scandinavia… Maybe Sweden.”

“Oh? Why?”

“I don’t know. Seems like a good country. I like their history, too.”

“Handsome men in Sweden.”

“Yes. That too.”